I need you now.

I feel so damned lonely. And I really feel like I'm alone. But that's not true I think. Cause you're around me.. even if I can't see you. I miss you so much.

The first week without you was so cruel because you were not there. I couldn't call you in the evening and tell you how my day was like. I couldn't tell you how much I love you. I just felt alone. And so many fucking times I cried. So many nights I stayed awake.

My life is so fuckin' pointless without you. I don't know why I'm still alive. I have no idea how my life will go on. I don't want to take my future. No. I'm so afraid of it.

I remember... one time I told you that you shouldn't just give up. That you should try to fight cause if you haven't ever tried to fight – you already lost. But now.. look at me. I'm on the way to give up right now. Is that okay? I really don't think so.. but I would love the person that says to me: ”Lena, for now it is enough. You can go. You don't have to take it.” Because I feel destroyed. I touched the ground already. I am to low to stand up and to strong to lay just on the floor. I realize that I can't forget.. but I have to accept that I can't change anything.

Like every word needs a voice - like the moon comes into every night - like this I need you. Would you mind wake me up, say my name and safe me from the dark? You're all I ever wanted and all I ever had.

And now I find songs on your notebook. Listen to them. Start crying.
Same things all the time. Cause they have so much love inside. Your love. And that's what makes me feel so stupid cause I wasted my time on so much unimportant things. And not on you.